Do you ever feel like sometimes it’s too much?
You try hard everyday and you keep working and keeping busy but sometimes the load just gets too heavy and thats when you need a friend to step in and give you their shoulder. They let you lean on them and make you feel stronger. They give you hope and you feel like it’s not so bad, getting up to fight another day.
But then what if those friends can’t give you their shoulder? What if they are too far away or too busy to even realise you need them? you know they would if they knew/could, but how could you burden them with something like that?
It’s ok if they notice and give you their shoulder, but actually asking? It’s hard.
But what if you had tried to ask, and didn’t get enough back?
What if you managed to say, ‘Please. I’m not strong enough. I cant do it.’ What if you said that, and they gave you a pat on the back?
Sure, a pat on the back isn’t bad, but when you need a shoulder, when you want a shoulder to cry/lean on so badly that you have finally managed to put aside all your remaining pride and say ‘i need your help’, a pat on the back only makes it worse.
That pat on the back confirms your fears. Those feelings that are eating away at you, that you spend every day fighting and trying to ignore only feed off that. That pat on the back tells you that you were right. You are alone. You have noone to lean on. Everyone is gone. whatever you once had has been ruined.
And it’s then, when you have let go of all your remaining pride, that you realise this is all your own doing.
How could you have sabotaged your own life so much?
How long do I have to pretend to be happy before I will be happy?